you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
whose parrot is this?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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