We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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