If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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