yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
