i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
