Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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