We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
