Your face is a jimmy john
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
