i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish you could order shots online.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
