Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
