ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
