Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
