he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sext me about skeletons
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
