I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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