Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
