I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
