her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
