y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
