we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
