I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
