I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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