I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
