HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
