He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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