There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
