Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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