i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just gift wrapped bread.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
