Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You dont lie about slip and slides
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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