Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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