does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How's work?
Spinning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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