dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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