You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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