I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
