so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
