it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
