I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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