Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
