she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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