you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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