Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
