my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
