Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
