OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
porn star boner night. come get it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
