the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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