I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
