if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
