Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
