She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
