never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
