I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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