clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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