I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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