brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
