we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
