Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
nutella sex= disaster
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
