Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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