i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
