Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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