i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
this hospital has no fireball
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
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