yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just gargled with NyQuil
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
