I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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