this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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