The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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