Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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