you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
