You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
