I just saw a hot homeless man
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
