So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
