do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
