escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
