So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
