I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I intend to get homeless drunk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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