Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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