Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
