I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize