It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
